Chicks talk to each other about men. Yes, we get it.

Imagine they’re having a conversation about you and the areas you come up short.

Imagine you’re not getting unanimous rave reviews, and there’s plenty of laughter all around. Generally it’s about your male equipment, those squishy muffin tops you can’t get rid of and other features of your naked body. Funniest to them, and worst for you, is a discussion about the faces you make in bed.

Imagine knowing that your girlfriend has two more of these calls to make afterward, to additional exes.

Sound good?

“He suggested I get your input” Laura told her when my girlfriend asked how I was in bed.

After listening to the recording, I was surprised that I was rated a 6 out of 10 as a boyfriend.

“He said whatever was on his mind, which was good and bad,” said Cathy, who rated me a 7 out of 10.

“I felt he was a bit too grateful that I agreed to sleep with him,” opined Francie, who rated me a sad, sorry 5 out of 10.

I wished I could stop the conversation by cutting the phone line like they do in old movies. This wouldn’t work. She uses a smartphone.

How can I stop this when the problem started with me. Yes, I blame myself. Facebook makes it too easy for them to find each other and begin the dialog.

My first mistake was staying Facebook friends with my exes, making it convenient for my girlfriend to interview them.

The phone calls themselves forced me to spend more time dwelling in the past. And I still wonder why they do it. I always thought chicks wanted their man to forget about other girls and concentrate on them.

Juliana Breines, Ph.D., a postdoctoral researcher in the Health Psychology lab at Brandeis University, thinks the practice is not completely crazy. “I think there is value in reflecting back on past relationships and learning from the mistakes you may have made,” she says.

We all are generally aware of our shortcomings, but it’s not so great when an intimate girl gang rubs your face in them, doc.

“He was very neurotic about his performance in bed, and always asked for a report afterwards,” one of them said. Okay, I know this is true, and asking for a performance rating feels like customer support and kills the moment.

This went on for a couple of weeks, and I think she was getting a secret kick out of watching me squirm. I had to put a stop to it without endangering her life. Read on for what I did to stop it.

At Facebook, I unfriended most of my old girlfriends. Easy. Just click on their name and “Unfriend.”

Also at Facebook, I blocked my current girlfriend from seeing certain posts. You do this before you post, or set it up in your profile to block her access automatically.

Hands-down, the most useful move was to friend several exes of hers, and engage with them at Facebook.

She didn’t like that. You’ve never heard such an ear-piercing shriek in your life when I told her who I friended.

Needless to say, watch your social media life more closely if you want to control the conversation between girlfriends.

Me and Laura are no longer boyfriend/girlfriend, but she’s still on my friends list. If her current guy wants to discuss Laura and the faces she makes in bed, I’m here for you, buddy. Reach out.

September 29, 2015

How to Deal When Your Girlfriend Won’t Shut up About You to Your Exes

Chicks talk to each other about men. Yes, we get it. Imagine they’re having a conversation about you and the areas you come up short. Imagine […]