Spring and summer are prime wedding seasons, and also hookup season for you. People get married all year, giving you a shot at getting lucky with a cute bridesmaid carrying a bouquet and all decked out in taffeta.
Women at weddings feel romantic and sentimental. The happy event with friends and family, and lubricated by booze, play a big part. This makes wedding hookups absolutely doable, if you play your cards right. But this isn’t the movies, or a show starring Charlie Sheen, so you can’t simply strut down a wedding hall and expect a fair maiden to knock you up in the hall closet. Going in with a clear game plan will improve your odds of success.
These following steps will show you how to conquer the wedding hookup without ruining friendships or accidentally waking up next to your second cousin. Here are a few tips to improve your odds:
I get it you don’t like dressing up, and if you’re lucky you don’t need to for work. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a sharp looking suit for occasions, and I don’t mean a baggy old suit from the 1990s. Go and treat yourself to a tailored slim suit that makes you look stylish and attractive. Even guys who could lose some weight good in well-made suits. It’s worth it spending a little money to dress hotter than the other guys in the room.
Don’t steal your dad’s Aqua Velva. Go to the men’s counter and let a woman at the store help you buy something nice. Practicing basic hygiene goes a long way, and quality cologne gives you a classy finish. If you wear a beard, trim it, get a manicure and basically don’t look like a guy who was just related from prison. Women care a lot about hygiene, and often judge a man by how well he takes care of himself. Hanging out with the guys is another matter, but don’t expect women to get excited over you if you’re not smelling fresh and clean.
Unless you have brought your granny along to be nice, don’t consider attempting a hookup at a wedding. (Granny might be amused that you’re prowling for a date.) Other that that, don’t be a douche and try to hook up with someone other than your date. Would you want to be taken to a wedding, and see your girl trying to hook up with a guy? I would guess you would not.
Weddings are often family events which usually involved shared DNA. Take a moment to ensure that your wedding crush isn’t even remotely related to you, lest you have three-eyed children. You can usually find out easily if she’s related. Asking her “Who do you know here?” should be sufficient, and make your determination. If she’s a relative (except by marriage), move along and find another girl. True love is great, but incest is gross.
If you’ve been neglecting your drinking lately, weddings are there for you to get a bit tipsy and lucky. Sucks to be at an event without alcohol that flows freely. If there’s an open bar, you can get back a little of what you spent on the gift via liquid means. An open bar is also a good opportunity to flex your skills in alcohol-centric courtship. Ask her what she would like to drink, and go ahead and order two of them. Bond over booze and see if you make her giggle. If you can, you’re almost there. Don’t forget to tip the bartender, even if it’s an open bar.
A drink or two or three is great for dumbing down or inhibitions and block the part of our brains that discourage dumb-ass pickup lines and rear end pinching. Getting too drunk is nothing but trouble, and if you end up getting her into the sack (or doing her in the coat closet), drunkenness will hurt your sexual performance. Vomiting all over her dress will also spoil the romantic mood, so if you’re going to get plastered on whiskey sours, the sexual part you wanted so very much will be spoiled. One bright spot: you will provide years of gossip fodder for friends and family attending the event.
If you’re invited to make a toast, take the opportunity to be visible and make a great impression. It’s a great way to stand out and make the wedding a showcase for your star-quality personality. Girls may well flock to you for a hookup, as the star of the room.
If you’re gonna toast, then do it right. An old show biz trick is to always leave them wanting more, and a wedding reception is no exception to this rule. Get up there, and make it short and sweet. If you’re a bit tipsy, get off faster. They don’t want to sit there while you stammer and mumble and tell lame jokes. Give yourself two to four minutes, make the toast, and then skedaddle.
They’re called “bridesmaids” because they’re not married, and a possible opportunity for you. Single attending her friend’s wedding will be feeling a tad jealous of her friend’s romantic expectations, and may be looking for a groom to fill the gap. They’re looking to have a good time, and will most likely be drinking. There’s no guarantee that any of them will be receptive to your charms, try them out before you move on and work the room.
If you’re a good dancer, use your skill to get a date. It gives you an opportunity for instant body contact that nobody will question. Knowing several types of dance is even better. No one was ever impressed by how good someone was at not dancing.
Bros are great fun to hang out with at a wedding, but if you’re on the prowl for a hookup, ditch the bros and find the girls. Women don’t generally approach guys who are hanging out together, nor do they 10 guys hitting on them at once. Don’t be an amateur and bring your best buddy and a backup or two when approaching a woman. Be a big boy and go at it alone.
If wedding sex is your mission, know where you’ll go to get some. Sex at the wedding itself is generally difficult, so most likely you’ll be seeking accommodations to host your hook up. If you came to the wedding from outside the area, and can afford a hotel room, secure one with the expectation that a guest will be joining you. Hearing at the end of a wedding reception “Wanna go back to my place?” is the best end to a perfect event.